Hide And Seek
A musty smell wafts up my nostrils
Footsteps are coming towards me crunching on the grass
The shed door opens with a loud creak
Light rushes into the room blinding me
I shuffle backwards until I hit the wall
Whispers flood the room echoing off the walls
I know they’re close
I know they're gonna find me
Splinters attack my arm and knees
My legs are stiff like wood
My arms are frozen like ice
More whispers flood the room
My hands are trembling like a dog shaking off water
They finally spot me looking me right in the eye
That's it game over.
By Sammi
Hello Sammi
ReplyDeleteI liked how your poem had correct use of capital letters and full stops and how you rhymed your poem.
Last term we created our own poetry anthologies which you can see on my blog.
Next time you could add more adjectives but your poem was very good.
From Jessica - Grey Main School
Kia ora Sammi.
ReplyDeleteAmazing description in your writing, it had me on the edge of my seat. Once on camp I played hide and seek it was so much fun.
One thing you could work on is full stops at the end of each sentence.
From Harry - Grey Main
Hello Sammi
ReplyDeleteI loved the way you used similes and rhymes in your poem, It was great. Once on our school camp we played hide and seek too. One thing you could work on is putting more adjectives in your work.
From Ashleigh-Grey Main
P.S My cousin's name is Sammi too!
Hi Ashleigh
DeleteThanks for your feedback, I will try to put more adjectives in my work too. Tomorrow we have school camp and may play hide and seek or spotlight there.
From Sammi
Hi Sammi
ReplyDeleteMy name is Antonio from Waikowhai primary school and I a in Room 9.
I really like your poem because it rhymes and I like poems that rhyme.Also did you make this poem by your self? And I like how your poem was about you hiding.
Also I would like it if you could visit my blog.
http://wpsantoniom.blogspot.co.nz/